IS EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE STILL IN FASHION?

By Selina Seesunkur

‘Treat others how you want to be treated’ is an age-old concept. In fact, you will find a similar concept in the Bible which says, ‘Therefore whatever you desire for men to do to you, you shall also do to them; for this is the law and the prophets.’ But how literally do we take this, or has this become a forgotten concept? The Bible, and society in general I would like to think, encourages kindness. If someone harms you, you really should not look to harm them back. However, to be less literal, isn’t it easier to be nice to people who are nice to you, or who you see as a familiar friend?

I am one of those people who respond immediately to a text or email. This is largely because if I do not do it there and then, chances are I will forget. My friends are exactly the same. I found it interesting that some people respond a few days or even weeks later, and wondered how they even remember to flip back and respond? So I tried it out myself. I tried it because I was trying to find new ways of prioritising, but the most interesting and unexpected thing happened. The very same people who took longer to reply, took exception when I did not respond fast enough or as quickly as they had been used to. One person even sent me a long text, which in essence asked if I was annoyed with them. “Nope”, I replied “I was just prioritising!”

I have seen people speak to others like absolute garbage, only to later command respect from the very same person they themselves disrespected. It has even happened to me. Clearly that person has no self-awareness, or perhaps they have but are too arrogant to care, which says more about them than it does of me.

Do you ever get the sense that you are always the one calling your friends, but they never or rarely call you? Do they just not bother because they know you will eventually call them, or because they are simply not as good at time management as you? Sometimes it hurts, doesn’t it! These are just a few modern day examples of issues we face in everyday modern life.

Emotional Intelligence is about being self-aware, and adaptable to external influences. It is also about the ability to recognise behaviours in others and tailor your approach accordingly. There is a lot to be said about treating others in the way you want to be treated, but there is also a lot to be said about breaking the chain and being the bigger person. Covid has given us all an opportunity to hit the reset button, but it is amazing how quickly people fall back into old habits. Make it a personal goal to not be one of those people. By taking the time to be more mindful towards others, you may just experience a more positive outcome. And if you do not, then that’s on them, not you.

Emotional Intelligence is very much in fashion, so do not live in the mercy of another person, nurture and manage your relationships intelligently.

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MY LIFE, MY BLACK HISTORY MONTH

By Dr. Ezinne Amamasi-Nnadi.

As I watched my father leave for his flight back to Nigeria, with my heart pounding as I held back the tears, I remember his words of comfort to me, “I know it is tough for you now, but don’t give up, you will be fine”. I have always admired and trusted my father and I knew in my heart that he was telling me the truth. My father, a medical doctor himself, who studied in Germany in the 1960s knew and understood all my fears and worries.

More than 10 years later, I can look back and say “Yes, I did overcome and I am fine”. It was quite hard fitting into the system at first, as everything was different. English was one subject I had never had to study, but I felt  I was good at it. So when I first joined the NHS, and vomit became ‘sick’, and fever became ‘temperature’, it became clear to me that I had to learn the same English spoken by many on the streets of Britain. I also had to learn new driving rules- right hand drive, double yellow lines etc. to pass both the written and practical driving tests.

I could go on and on about the numerous things that I had to learn and deal with, but the biggest and best lesson to learn from was motherhood. I remember holding my daughter in my arms for the first time and being filled with so much emotion that I just wept. Two years on, I had a set of twin boys, and now, I am excited to say, the fourth child is on the way. At times, it has not been easy being a mum, wife and career woman, but I have managed to juggle all three.

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Of course, there have been times when I have doubted myself and my abilities, and I have not been without my share of disappointments. For me, however, the most important thing has been to learn from every experience. Some of my setbacks have been due to the colour of my skin or the way my voice sounds. Sometimes it has been due to not preparing well and other times it just simply wasn’t my time. All my experiences have made me wiser and have definitely helped to mould me into the person I am today.

Both myself and my husband are now doctors in the NHS and, similarly to so many Black people before us, our journeys have not been all plain sailing. We have experienced the same pain, prejudice and upsetting issues, but also the same laughter, joy, and success. It also gives all of us comfort to see others, such as Lewis Hamilton and Pat McGrath, not just beat the same odds as we did, but break down further barriers. As the first and only black athlete in Formula 1, Lewis has been open about his struggles in the sport as a person of colour yet, despite these challenges, he continues to smash records, being listed as the greatest driver in the history of Formula 1 and one of the most influential people globally by Time magazine. As a black woman who was brought up by her mother, Pat has now become one of the most influential people in an industry dominated by whites,  being labelled the most influential make-up artist in the world by Vogue magazine.

In Britain, Black people represent resilience and doggedness. As we celebrate Black History Month, we pay tribute to Black people past, present and future, who despite many obstacles continue to strive for what is right, continue to work hard and never give up. But as Black people it is important to mention and appreciate our friends and comrades from other ethnic groups who have in one way or another stood with us, both through the recent outpouring of support during the Black Lives Matter protests, and also during the current Pandemic, where they have joined us in calling for investigations into why BAME have been so disproportionately affected by Covid 19.

THE ECONOMY OF NOT ENOUGH: HOW OVERCONSUMPTION THREATENS OUR SELF-WORTH.

By Abigail Isherwood

“Isn’t it interesting”, a friend reflected, “that when we only buy what we need, as we have been during the lockdown, the economy crashes”.

Now I’m not an economist, but the comment did get me thinking about how our systems, both nationally and internationally, thrive, and even survive, on overconsumption. Overconsumption which is sold to us through an underlying narrative of “not enough”. Consumers are told repeatedly that we “don’t have enough” or that we “are not enough” in ourselves until we have x. Take Argos’ Spring ad from this year, it ends with the slogan “With Argos, you’re good to go”, implying that without Argos, you’re not. Most of us are aware of the lies of manipulative advertising, but I’m not sure we always join the dots between the “not enough” narrative and damaging global effects of overconsumption. But since this narrative of “not enough” drives our rapid rate of consumption, it also feeds our international, neoliberal systems, which damage our world in many ways. Here are just two examples.

Firstly, overconsumption is destroying the planet. The rate natural resource extraction, the agricultural methods, the mass deforestation, all race to feed the high demands of overconsumption, to the detriment of the environment. Secondly, overconsumption, and the systems that uphold western consumption rates, actively impose racial injustices. Take fast fashion. Women overseas in the Majority World are exploited to maintain the speed at which fast fashion brands produce. Overconsumption demands the exploitation of both people and the planet to meet the superfluous needs of the Minority World. A need fabricated by the fear that we are not enough.

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I’m not trying to take the blame away from us, quite the opposite. I think realising the “not enough” narrative that drives us to overconsumption actually leaves us, as consumers, with both greater responsibility and the opportunity to change the system. Along with many other important actions such as educating ourselves, listening more, boycotting, and protesting, we need to take the time and energy to become more self-aware. 

Perhaps working on ourselves so we become secure enough in who we are will make us less prone to believe the "I am not enough" lie. In turn, this could slow down our individual rates of consumption as well as make us secure enough to have healthier discussions about racial inequalities and injustices. Because, when we know that we are enough and we are worthy of belonging, we can more easily see others in the same light. We become more resilient and have more resources to have the difficult, uncomfortable but essential conversations about race. And we are no longer in competition with or threatened by others because we are secure in the fact that there is room for all of us to belong. Greater self-awareness and secure self-worth can lead us to become more accepting people and more conscious consumers.

Abigail Isherwood for Centric Magazine